New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
