did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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