Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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