paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
