have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
