This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
