another moral hangover. fuck.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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