Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
