Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
