there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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