Me. At least after what I've been through.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
