...so i touched it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
