yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
