i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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