get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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