Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
