Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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