Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
