AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
