your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
