the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
