i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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