threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
