Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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