i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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