is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There r osticjed everywhere
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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