I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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