We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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