So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
