I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
