rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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