I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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