Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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