God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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