I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
