There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
only if we run a train.
done.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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