You just made me feel so damn special
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
