the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
