The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
