you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
