somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
