id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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