I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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