last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
