But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
