Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
