I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
