what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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