I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
