Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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