i permit you to call me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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