I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
