I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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