he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My dick has a subreddit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
