did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
40s are totally the cure
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
