Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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