One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
