I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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