id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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