They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
