The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
