Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize