OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
