How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
