I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
