turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
