My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize