Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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