apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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