ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
