You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
