apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
