She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
