You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
