I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
